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Slap bass disgrace - CV honesty

12/06/2017


I play the guitar, saxophone and piano, but have quite a good ear so can pick up instruments fairly quickly if it's not too tricky.


I learned the bass guitar for a show I did a few years ago where I had to play quite a cool riff in a funky song throughout the run. I'd never played the bass before but picked it up during rehearsals as I knew I had to play it specifically for this one song in the show.


Since then, I have put 'Bass Guitar' as one of the instruments I can play on my CV.


I was in an actor musician recall audition the other day for a musical tour. I'd just smashed my sax, guitar AND my piano audition, as well as reading a few sides from the script. It had been going well and I was pretty pleased with myself; it wasn't just the director and the musical director that were there, there were 5 other people including producers and people who own the rights to the show.


"Oh I see you play the bass!" The MD excitedly said.


I take a sharp breath. "Well I only..."


"Is it electric or upright bass?" He interrupted.


"Well...the electric", I stuttered, "but actually I only learned it for an actor muso show I did ages ago and I haven't played since so I'm not very..."


"Great! We've got an electric here for you to have a jam on."


"Well actually I'm more of a capable guitarist, I can play you another song on the guitar or piano if you like? The bass isn't my most confident..."


He thrusts the bass guitar into my hands. I cautiously put the strap over my shoulder and stood there. I looked like a bass guitarist as much as a toddler holding a doll looks like a parent.


The panel were waiting expectantly.


"I haven't really prepared anything", I pleaded.


"That's OK, just play some 12 bar blues."


"Oh OK", I agree, not knowing how how to play 12 bar blues on the bass nor how I had let this get so far.


Silence.


The panel continued to wait. And stare.


I plucked a string.


I stopped.


I took 'Bass Guitar' off my CV.


I didn't get the job.